Just got back from our Xmas Dance. I'm sOoOoOoOo wasted!! Though it didn't really turn out to be the kind of party I had in mind, I guess I can say that I had fun nonetheless... NOT!! It wasn't that awful, but my mood was destroyed when one of my budz (who has transferred school lately because she was kicked out of the school) mentioned some things 'bout my EX-prospect (She's currently attending the same school as HIM)!! Gee, I was trying *really* hard to forget about him, and then she suddenly came in and ruined it all!! Well, not that I'm angry or anything... I was just... err... pissed off... yeah... I guess that's it.

Anyways, on the lighter note, I received MANY gifts this day!!! ^_^ I was really surprised, because I wasn't expecting to have presents. Okay, I was-- but not THAT many! 0.o Most of them were from my friends, of course, and the bigger ones in the huge paper bags were from -*eherm!*- some other peeperz whom I think is too personal to include in the PUBLIC journal. Whehe... I was very thrilled when I received a cute, gigantic teddy bear! XD I've been dying to get 1 of those since I'm a HUGE bear fanatic! I also received a cute pair of footsies and a big heart pillow! Happee-happee~!! :D But then, when I was almost convinced that the day --err... night-- would turn out fine after all, *something* surprising came up.

I got a gift from HIM. Enclosed in a large paper bag wrapped in a cute combination of pink and white cloth paper with a huge ribbon in the middle. It was a stuff toy of Spongebob Squarepants. It was cute, in fairness. When I took it out, a single red rose fell out of the bag. It was a scented fake rose. 'ROMANCHIKKU!!' I thought. But then, I saw a big envelope inside the box. It was addressed to moi, from him, and when I was already opening it, I somehow felt uncomfortable. Dunno why. However, when I read his message in the huge greeting card, I finally figured out what the problem was.

I felt hurt.

Maybe it was because it had been already months now since that happened or I'm just an overly emotional girl, but either way, I can still see the problem. I'm missing him, and what *really* hurt is that I couldn't do anything about it because no matter what I do, there's absolutely no way for me to see him again. For now, I can only go take a trip down Memory Lane and reminisce all those times I've had with him, and that REALLY sucks!

He was already long gone, so I had to get over it. I tried my best to suppress the tears that were about to fall while I was reading the card, and I was glad that my attempt was successful. I've already promised that I wouldn't cry for him anymore, you see. I knew what he hated the most were girls crying... especially over him so... I JUST HAVE TO DROP IT! I'd save those crying and contemplating times for later because it would be really embarrassing if my classmates would see me in such a state.

Right now, I still don't know what I'm feeling. I left the party early because I got so anxious and depressed. While I'm typing this entry, HE's the only one I've been thinking of, and I'm guessing that I won't be able to get a good night sleep this time because of what happened.

Gawd, just why am I soOoOoOo affected by him?! Even now that he's gone?!?!?! Hauu... Thanks to him, I didn't get the chance to enjoy the party, and now I have to wallow in another session of distress and depression because of what he did.

...Because up until now, I'm afraid to say that I still love him.